If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
