Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
