Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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