I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
