i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
