when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
