The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
