He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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