Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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