That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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