I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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