I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
