sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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