You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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