Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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