My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
