dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I am one with the molecules
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
