you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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