We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
