I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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