Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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