Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
