Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
As shirtless as possible
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize