ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
bring money and cleavage
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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