I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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