I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
