I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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