Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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