The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
My bed is full of blood and feathers
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
