I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You dont lie about slip and slides
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize