i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
