She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
