Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
