Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
