so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
