booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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