Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
