So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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