I just saw a hot homeless man
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
