i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
