just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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