i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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