I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
