By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
