Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Randomize
