I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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