do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
This baby is an asshole
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
