so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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