Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize