Im at strip club and am horny
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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