yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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