I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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