I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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