Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
