The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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