I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
