ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
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