oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Jerry, you need to find god
I wanna passion pit in your ass
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
