I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
