the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
