dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize