The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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